Monday, September 27, 2010

Everyone has a's mine

Wow okay where do I start? I've never done anything like this before but I'm actually looking forward to putting my life out there for the world to read. I mean, why not? My life is like a never ending soap opera with drama, boredom, excitement, sadness and confusion...but then again who's life isn't full of those things?

Okay so I'll start with how my "real' journey began. At the end of January of 2009, my husband of almost 4 years asked for a separation which was just a safe word for "I want a divorce". My ex and I had not been happy for a long time. I didn't trust him; even in the almost six years we were together it was hard not to look past the red flags. It's scary how someone will just compromise because you think you know what love is and you think you can change someone. Boy was I sadly mistaken! It was an ugly divorce at first, with a lot of hurt feelings and harsh words. My divorce was final in April of 2009 and I finally started to live MY life. For the first time I felt like I was looking at the world with my eyes wide open. Now don't get me wrong, I had some really hard times at first but who doesn't when you get a divorce? Especially one where your husband was with a much younger woman; I was hurt, broken and I was at the lowest point in my life. I decided that it was time to focus on Candace and do what Candace wanted to do. I first went on a huge shopping spree with the money I got from my half of the tax returns; which felt sooo good considering I hadn't really bought myself anything in a long long time. I then decided it was time to pay off debt that I accrued in my marriage. So I picked one credit card and started paying large amounts on it until it was paid off. I did that with all three of my credit cards and it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I also decided it was time to go back to school and get that masters degree I've always wanted. I graduated in May 2010 with my Master of Science degree in Applied Gerontology. I had made all these goals for myself but there was still one that I knew was the most important but I kept ignoring it. That goal was to work on myself. I had let myself go in my marriage and I came to hate myself. I hated everything about myself: my hair, my body, my clothes etc etc. So I took the first steps in changing myself, I went to a weight loss doctor, got put on a prescription medication and almost a year later I am down 65 pounds. I have changed myself in so many ways but the hard work is still ahead of me because I have to learn to love the new me and accept myself for how I am now. I have become a strong, independent, established, hard working, accomplished, out going woman and most people can't believe the change they've seen in me. So I'm still working on acknowledging all of the good things I've done instead of focusing on the nit picky things I think are still "wrong" with me.

So that's where I will end my first ever blog entry. This is all part of learning about myself and excepting who I am and my life and enjoying all that God has blessed my life with. Until next time.....